Today.

I don't know why I feel so terrible.
I miss how things used to be.
I miss seeing my best friends.
I miss going to shows almost every weekend.
I miss seeing people, friends, strangers, acquaintances, etc.
I miss my parents' trust.
I miss them not freaking out at me every time I went somewhere.
I miss being totally comfortable around them.
I miss my phone.
I miss texting.
I miss having a boyfriend. Or being in love, for that matter.
I miss talking to some people. I hate it when people just randomly stop talking to you.
For no reason. It makes me feel bad.

I hate feeling like this.
Like I'm disappointing someone with everything I do.
I feel angry. Disgusted. Disappointed with myself.
I try my best not to do anything wrong anymore.
But even if I have a bad thought I feel like I'm disappointing GOD.
It's ridiculous. I can't do this anymore. I feel so unhappy.
Andrea says I need a new 'baby-daddy'.
I think she's probably right.

My heart & my mind feel completely useless.





By the way, it's Britni's birthday today.
I brought her a cupcake.
It's Emma's tomorrow & I will bring her one, as well.
& I think this is actually my first serious blog.


Lambs.