I am drowning

there is no sight of land.
you are coming down with me.
hand in unlovable hand.
i hope you die.
i hope we both die.

I am so scared that Jacob will want to sing that Mountain Goats song to me one day.

so, blogger, I've forgotten about you.
I dunno if it's the damn weather or something, but I've been so emotional. It's most likely my period, but I couldn't help it anyway. I made what I thought was the greatest CD ever the other day. It turned out to be a very sad CD. Sad songs. Sad songs that I listen to on the drive home from work & almost cry.
I think I need to make a new CD.

I hope that our few remaining friends give up on trying to save us.
I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot to piss off the dumb few that forgave us.
I hope the fences we mended fall down beneath their own weight
& I hope we hang on past the last exit, I hope it's already too late
& I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here, someday burns down
& I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away, & I never come back to this town again in my life
I hope I lie, & tell everyone you were a good wife

& I hope you die, I hope we both die

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow, I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises, we're pretty sure they're all wrong
I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst isn't over
& I hope you blink before I do
& I hope I never get sober
& I hope when you think of me years down the line, you can't find one good thing to say
&I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out , you'd stay the hell out of my way

I am drowning, there is no sign of land,
you are coming down with me,
hand in unlovable hand

& I hope you die, I hope we both die

I hate how

I don't blog regularly. Nothing that interesting has happened, but I'll start from when I can remember. Ahem. Jacob is officially a Marine today. I'm so proud that he's made it this far. I'm also terrified that he's gonna pick an extreme 'macho man' job & get himself killed. I graduate in 2 days, & I need to write my speech tomorrow morning, early, bring it to Mr. Beane to be approved, & do a million other things. I'm always out of money, surprise. You shut up, Lauren, haha. I went to the optometrist today, WHERE THEY BLINDED ME! Seriously, they made my pupils dilate for like 2 hours straight, it was awful. I'm getting glasses; I've been wearing Jacob's glasses for like the past week & everyone made fun of me, whatever. I'm so gay. I'm gay for missing Jacob, even though I saw him today, but it was only for like 10 minutes. Errgh. I'm stupid for running today, when I didn't use my inhaler before hand, which is what I'm supposed to do. I almost passed out because my chest tightened up so much. I think the tumor in my right breast is getting bigger, I hope it's nothing serious. Saturday, the journey begins. The journey begins as a high school graduate. The journey begins as an adult (sort of). The journey begins with my best friends on a sweet mini vacation to Fontana, & I'm so excited. I seriously need to register for my FAFSA. FUCK. I want to zumba with Lauren. I can't wait for Hickory Alive to start. I always say that, & when it finally gets here, I hate every second of it. It reminds me of the person I used to be, & I miss it & I'm disgusted with it at the same time. My eye doctor told me my eyes were shaped like little footballs. What the hell is that? I need sleep. I need a shower. I need to be with my boyfriend. OH, ALSO, EVERYONE I WORK WITH, MY "WORK FAMILY" HATES ME BECAUSE THEY CAN'T COME TO MY GRADUATION. Nah, I like the people I work with. I hate it when I'm closing with all the managers/in training, because I always have to do everything. I'm so sick of complaining. I'm so sick of complaining, that I'm complaining about complaining, never ending. Whatever. This blog is so drawn out, I'm going to stop.
Until next time, blogger.

I'm so

obsessed with COACH BAGS! but theyare so damn expensive.
I'm trying ebay... but dammit, ebay is so daflskjfl.
next paycheck, if I barely spend any money now, & I'm good on everything, I'm getting one.
Don't care.

oh my.

funniest thing today:
http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2010/04/14

apparently

I missed going to the self defense class. But I had to work, soooo...
basically, all I missed was Bobby Hill kicking boys in the balls & saying 'that's my purse!'
also, you can use your nose as a rape whistle.

Getting paid at midnight! I'm starting to be a lot more conservative with my money, which means noooot a lot of fast food, and more fruits & veggies. & special k, because I think I'm gonna start that diet again. & exercise. yesterday, they l et me off work early, because I got there early & WE WERE SO SLOWWWWWWW. I hate that. So I went to Redwood & ran 2 miles & a half.
My legs aren't as sore as I though they would be.
i have to finish my paper today, because it's due tomorrow, & guess what?
I'm blogging instead! no. I'm writing it on Once Upon A Child! hahaha. whatevs. I'm obsessed with where I work :p

runny noses

my nose. is runny. i think i won't use the shift button to capitalize the right words today. because i don't feel like it. i have to study a bunch for 2 quizes at the same time today. i have to work 8 & a half hours tomorrow because i'm nice. i have to work from 10:30 to 4:30 friday because i'm nice and i feel bad. but i don't have to work saturday! but i do have to study a thousand times. and sunday. seriously, this weekend is dedicated to my big ol' book and my study group. no jacob, no friends, no family, no toilet. nothing! i feel so weird blogging at school nowadays. i feel like people are making fun of me for blogging and not doing any work. or something. haha. whatevs. i cannooooot wait until wednesday, when i am done with school! for the most part. success 101 can suck my dick. i am not doing any assignments until tuesday. so i have to catch up like 10 assignments. help. everyone at work thinks i'm whiny. i really don't give a damn, i honestly hate everyone there. varie is awesome/my grandma, and heather and deanna and angela and lauren are people i like. and traci. and yaros and eleane. but of course, only lauren would know what i'm talking about because she knows those people too. summer is almost here i can feel it. tis the season to be lazy as fuck, but exercise, hang out with frans and boyfran, and work. and go camping and to the beach! also, all of my ideas are run together, i'm not putting any spaces in between. i've had no money for like the past week & a half & it's been awful. but no fast foodie, so that's good. i'm also starting my diet & exercising again tuesday, because i have no more anatomy to rule my life anymore. i can actually function properly again. but i miss my friends, & i want to go out to dinner in pretty dresses & pretend it's my birthday so waiters can sing to me. & i don't want that freaky girl there, because i'm there now :p
bye.

everything hurts!

My legs, mostly my shins hurt from walking all those miles with Jacob. Yesterday at work was awful, I had to lift like 30 pound totes; 5 of them. So this morning, my lower back felt like a statue. I brought my laptop to school so Clint can hoooopefuly fix it. *fingers crossed*
Today I will be spending all day at the computer lab, because I have to write at least 5 pages on Children Beauty Pageants. Waaaa :(
Then I go to work, hopefully it won't suck as much cause we got a lot of it done yesterday & the morning crew will get most of it.
Man, this morning I woke up & I was just so happy. I looked up at one of those photo strips you get done at the mall that I had with Jacob & I just smiled sooo much, I think I even hopped up & smiled. I love that boy.
Tomorrow I want to go running with Britni, after I go to the doctor's. & then I wanna get my nails did with her! ;D
My pay check tomorrow is going to be a joke. I missed a week of work D:

blahblahblah, bye.